The Power of Presence—and practical tools to develop it

Dec 18

Stay present! Be in the moment! Focus on the now!

You may have seen these phrases buzzwords floating around on news stands, Instagram posts, business tips, or TikTok videos.

But beyond the hype, what does Presence really mean? How can it help? How can we practice present awareness and stay present minded?

Let’s dig in…

What is Presence?

Presence describes the unique energetic quality and tone you bring with you into the space. It consists of what others can concretely perceive–like the way you move and the tone of your voice–as well as ephemeral perceptions–like your general “vibe,” the speed of your energy, or how you “feel” to others.

Presence can also describe one’s ability to stay in the present moment.

So, what does it mean to be present?

We’re present when we are focused on what is currently happening in front of us—the people who are here and the thing we are doing. Therapists and healthcare workers often call this state of being right here, right now mindfulness.

We’re present when not preoccupied by thinking about the past or the future, and when we’re not distracted by a thought or idea that doesn’t relate to what is physically going on in this very moment.

What are the benefits of Presence?

Presence improves how you show up for yourself

Being in the present moment reduces stress, improves creativity, encourages concentration, and extends our ability to focus.

Being present can improve our psychological wellbeing. Mindfulness techniques, mindfulness training, and other skills that teach people how to focus on the present moment help manage anxiety (which is often based in thoughts of future events), depression (which can be based in thoughts of the past) when paired with treatment from a qualified professional, and has shown promising results for decreasing cognitive decline.

Being present also promotes stress reduction, aids emotional regulation, and engages one’s emotional intelligence.

Presence improves how you show up for others

Staying present also impacts your presence. It helps you access the state where you are authentically dynamic, engaged and curious. It’s the state in which you are best able to articulate your perspective and where you are most easily understood by others. It’s also the state in which you can listen more effectively and hear what others have to say.

A present presence is what gives you that special connection with your best friend, it’s what gives that famous performer their je ne sais quoi, and it’s what makes you feel like that community leader really understands what you’re going through.

Being present in your day to day conversations builds good will and connection with the people around you.

But there’s more. By staying present in the moment, you can grow opportunities for creativity and collaboration. You can pick up on the subtleties in a conversation, you can really listen to the other person and their unique perspective–and you can better share your own.

Presence improves your connection with an audience

Staying present while with others doesn’t just improve interpersonal communication–it can also improve your persuasiveness and charisma when speaking in meetings, presentations, performances, pitches, and even debates.

Not only does this kind of speaking captivate the audience’s attention more effectively, it also builds connection. We all want to be seen and heard–we want our perspective known and we want to impact the world around us. By staying present with the audience during a speech, you build trust with them that you are paying attention to them. And whether they agree with your message or not, this attention builds a memorable connection for the future.

What does it look like when someone isn’t Present?

The consequences of not being present are evident in our daily interactions:

You probably know how it feels to talk with a loved one who seems preoccupied, lost somewhere else. Did they really hear you? Do they really care?

You likely have experienced a yawning presentation where you hear every word your colleague says but can’t seem to focus on the crux of their message, distracted by thoughts of dinner plans or the next item on your to-do list.

What does it feel like when I’m not Present?

You might have experienced the self consciousness of believing that you’ve found the perfect word for a hard conversation with a loved one, and the crushing disappointment when they react completely differently than you had imagined.

Or maybe you’ve launched into a long debate on a topic only to realize that you’ve completely misunderstood the question or alternate perspective.

Perhaps you’ve prepared for your high stakes pitch for days, reciting your presentation ad nauseam–and coming up with as many interesting quips and anecdotes as you can–only to feel that essential spark fall flat when you are in front of the decision makers.

Focused so much on the future, we get nervous and disconnected from our present. Tension and anxiety creeps into our voice, body, and overall persona and keeps us from being our full, authentic selves–and limits our ability to connect with others.

What gets in the way of our Presence?

Staying present isn’t easy, especially in our modern world.

In a moment where technology moves us faster and faster to the future, and the abundance of information has us constantly analyzing the past, staying present has gotten increasingly difficult. Distractions abound–emails, texts, phone calls, news alerts and 30-second videos provide a wealth of ever-changing information that constantly shifts our experience of the present moment.

While the speed of interactions has skyrocketed, so too have the stakes of each connection: A simple presentation can spell the difference between your company succeeding or failing; a single conversation can spell the difference between a relationship strengthening or collapsing; a misunderstanding, a wrong word choice can spell disaster.

The irony is this: While we review and analyze past conversations and experiences, while we put so much pressure on ourselves to deliver a specific outcome from a conversation, while we think so much of the future that we miss points of connection in the moment, we sabotage our chance to share our most charismatic self.

How do we strengthen our Presence?

With daily pressures of modern life undermining our ability to stay present, combatting the obstacles to presence is a conscious act—and one we can train:

Hone awareness of your physical self
Strengthen your curiosity
Build your tolerance for the unknown
Test your presence

Awareness, curiosity, tolerance and presence are huge, ephemeral concepts. We need concrete, practical tools and exercises to turn these ideas into practice.

Let’s walk through a brief exercise to build presence…

1. Hone awareness of your physical self by focusing on your breath

Pay attention to your inhale and exhale. You might close your eyes or put a hand on your belly or ribcage to help you focus on the sensation of your ribs and stomach moving as the air flows in and out of your lungs.

Explore what body sensations arise when you exhale as far as you can. Can you sense the moment when your body signals the need to inhale? Where do you feel it in the body?

Explore what sensations arise when you inhale as far as you can. Can you sense the moment when your body signals the need to exhale? Where do you feel it in the body?

Explore what sensations arise when you allow your breath to follow these signals, inhaling and exhaling as your body desires.

2. Strengthen your curiosity by getting curious about your breath

Throughout your exploration, focus on the what rather than any analysis of why.

While inhaling and exhaling, notice if and when you hold your breath. Is there a pause after your inhale or after your exhale? Is there a hold before your inhale or before your exhale?

What happens if you breathe in a way where there are no holds, but only the imperceptible change from inhale to exhale and exhale to inhale?

What happens if you add a simple “la la la la” sound on the exhale? How does your breath change? Do you experience more breath holds? Do you experience fewer? Does the rate of your breath change? How does it change?

Bring this curiosity of breath into your day to day life by asking yourself questions like…

What is my breath like at rest (sitting on the couch, laying down, etc.)?
What is my breath like during cardiovascular exercise (walking, running, playing sports, doing a yoga flow, etc.)?
What is it like under stress?
Are there any common patterns I can notice about my breath?

Then explore your breath while in conversation with others…

What is my breath like in a conversation?
Do I notice more tension or holding of breath in certain conversations than others?
Do I notice more tension or holding of breath with certain people? Certain topics? Certain scenarios?
What does a specific hold feel like? Does it feel like a hesitation? A protective shield? A comfort?

3. Build your tolerance for the unknown by embracing a continuous, uninterrupted flow of breath

A continuous, uninterrupted flow of breath helps keep us present in the moment.

When we exhale without holding, we allow ourselves to impact the present reality. Similarly, when we inhale without holding, we allow the present reality to impact our body, mind, and soul. This exchange of impacting and being impacted can be scary–we cannot know how our environment and the people in it will react to our input, nor can we know how reality will impact us.

Certainly, this kind of open embrace of the unknown is not always appropriate or safe. But if a conversation, presentation, performance, etc. calls for us to be present, it also calls for us to stay open to whatever happens in the present moment.

Build your tolerance for the unknown by practicing a breathing pattern that goes from inhale to exhale and exhale to inhale without holding your breath.

Start by getting your heart pumping: do some jumping jacks, run in place, bounce a medicine ball against a wall, circle your arms out by your sides, or even dance vigorously to your favorite song.

Once you’ve increased your heart rate, stop the exercise and focus on your breathing. Don’t try to catch your breath by slowing or changing your breathing. Instead, notice how you inhale and exhale without any perceptible holding of breath. Note how your body inhales and exhales without your conscious effort and without hesitation. This is the breath pattern that helps us stay present.

Please note that this aerobic style of breathing is not the natural or normal breathing pattern for bodies at rest. It is not the “right” way to breathe. There is no “right” way to breathe. We employ this breathing pattern as a practical tool to keep us in the present moment.

4. Test your presence by practicing staying present in increasingly complex situations

Many articles on presence and mindfulness will suggest a meditation practice, journaling, and limiting screen time. While these are all effective ways to build presence on your own, when the stress of a high stakes interaction takes over so too do old habits that lack presence.

This is where we need to apply a sports training methodology to build this breath pattern from a conscious action to an unconscious habit.

With this new breath pattern as your guide, test your ability to maintain it in varying scenarios. Are you able to maintain it as you throw a ball with a friend? Are you able to maintain it as you solve math equations aloud?

Raising the stakes even more, can you maintain this breath pattern in conversation with a friend? How about when listening to a public speaker you despise?

By slowly increasing the complexity of the situation, you test the bounds of your ability to stay with a present breath pattern and build your capacity to maintain it.

Get support

Just like learning a new sport, developing your ability to stay present takes practice.

That’s where mVm comes in. Originally developed for actors in the high-stress situations of audition and performance, mVm uses breathing exercises and movement to train your mind, body and voice to stay present in increasingly high-stakes environments.

mVm’s 5-week Presence Training series is a good place to start. It guides students to identify breath habits that are limiting their presence and provides simple, clear-cut exercises to train alternate, presence building habits.

Through mVm’s individual coaching sessions, workshops, and series classes, you can then hone these skills through mock scenarios that mirror where you hope to be the most present and charismatic.